With a heavy heart, I walk ......

At the end of this post, you will realize that I have used a few words far too redundantly and also that things might seem a bit incomplete, confusing and out of place. I really do hope that you also realize the reason for it.

You and I meet a lot of people in life. Each person is different. Each one's character, attitude, vision, behavior, thinking etc. always seem to be a mystery that all of us have to crack in life. The better skill we have in analyzing a person, the lesser are the chances of us getting cheated by someone. 

You might get a feeling that I have started off this post with negativity in mind, but at the end of the day, you realize that it is this negativity that we all have to accept. It is this negativity that makes us think twice before speaking something to someone. It is this negativity that keeps us on guard all the time in everything we do. It is also the same negativity that sometimes influences what we dream. Isn't it? 

On how many occasions have you had the "What if...?" question in your mind before saying/doing what you actually want to but end up doing something else because that "What if...?" got the better of you!

In spite of all this, sometimes, life gives you a dose of luck. It is then that you find someone really special, that someone whom you can share absolutely anything and everything with. If you are really lucky, He sends that person to you as soon as you/they are born. He/she is one person you will never have the "What if...?" question with, you will never think about negativity with! Fortunately, I have been in His class of extremely lucky people coz He sent my brother, Shreyas to be the 'someone special' for me! :) 

On 5th August 2009, I come home after college to be told by Mom that Shreyas had secured a seat in the National University of Advanced Legal Studies, Kochi. Mixed Emotions - that day, I realized how it feels. Thoughts came rushing into my mind. Good ones, bad ones, sad ones, happy ones...! :) :( "Wow! He has made it in life.. :D" to "Shit! One bed in my room will be empty from now :(", my mind was going black and blue! But, isn't this life? Some things have to leave to make room for others. You have to face this reality and accept it!

Shreyas has been more than a brother to me. What 'more' ? I don't know! Because I feel, there are no words in English to express the feeling that I am having right now, probably the reason for this redundancy. The innumerable amazing times we've had together still keeps running in my head like an old black and white movie with the clicking sounds of the moving reel. The times we used to team up to try our best to beat Mom and Dad at carrom which generally used to go in vain (we've won only once if I remember right) to the times we used to explore the dug up MORIs in front of our houses to the times we encouraged each other to pull the 'unfortunate' ball out of the toilet just to make sure we don't need to buy a new one to the times we used to fight and finally end up crying (both of us physically hurt, him because of me and me because of my parents :P) to the times we used to advice each other on what and what not to do to the times we purposefully yet jokingly tortured our Mom saying she was partial to the other son to the times we've literally made our doggy think (I guess) that we guys were crazy to the times we have enjoyed to the core during highway drives to the times we say to each other, "muchkoND biDo nimmajji, I will carry the luggage"..... Oh man!!

He left for Kochi again today. Saying goodbye to him everytime he leaves is one of the toughest things I have done. The ever jovial mood at home when he is here, the pleasant 'noise pollution' that he creates, the charming and the cheerful attitude of his are irreplaceable! 


At the station, as soon as the train leaves the platform, mind becomes blank for sometime and then a sudden surge of thoughts, the exact same feeling I had on Aug 5 2009 followed by the count of the number of weeks before I see him again. There is just no end to the number of times I want to wave my hand at him at the n'th moment. 

'Finally', everything becomes silent. With a heavy heart, I walk ......